Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
