My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
