we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
