this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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