who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We are all done wearing pants today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
