The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
