apparently the secret to your success is patron
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
