too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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