I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
