It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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