Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's like iHOP with fire
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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