I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
