I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize