Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
