Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
