u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize