Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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