So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
