Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
