Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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