we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
