"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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