I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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