are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I want her autograph on my taint
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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