i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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