a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
