Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
