Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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