Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
