He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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