I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
