Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
