i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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