She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
