if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize