We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
