so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
