shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
