I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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