Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
