my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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