i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
