Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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