Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
