apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
