Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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