dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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