what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
