No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize