I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
