I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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