Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
