So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
