Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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