Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
