Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
