yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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