Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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