I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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