i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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