I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
