There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
