Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
