we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
