dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
