I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
