I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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