this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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