Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
