I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
youre lurking in front of me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I could make wine with my vomit
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So much rum. So many feels.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
