is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
