how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
