I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
