the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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