I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
