Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's just like the Real World with babies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
