rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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