I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
