How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
