hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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