My hand turned me down
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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