he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
