Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
