i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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