i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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