There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
