My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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