Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My vagina just recognized that song.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
