his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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