He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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